Some parents may view rules and boundaries as things that restrict their children and keep them from pursuing true independence. I would argue that mature and constructive independence is developed through wisely implemented boundaries.
Boundaries help teens feel secure, whether they are aware of it or not. This sense of security is important for teens as they learn to pursue God and fight off sinful desires.
How Boundaries Help Teens Feel Secure in Their Battle Against Sinful Desires
Many people do not believe that teens want boundaries or restrictions in their lives. I’m telling you they do! Most people, including many parents, do not believe this because they are not aware of, do not understand, or do not believe in the spiritual nature of an individual.
A Common Misconception
When most distraught parents see their teen craving and pursuing things like illicit entertainment, drugs, sex, or a myriad of other dangerous things, they would argue that their teen is doing what their teen wants to do. I would only agree that their teen’s carnal nature is pursuing these things, but a teen’s carnal nature is not the sum total of what he or she is as a human being.
The Role of the Spirit
Secular theorists would refer to the spiritual nature in terms of the subconscious–among other things. Because humans are created in the image of God, there is a remnant of the attributes of God in our teens, as in all people, which helps their spiritual side understand and crave love, goodness, peace, joy, and relationships with others. Security is found in all of these things as well as in the other attributes of our Creator.
There is security in boundaries. The deeper side of teens wants boundaries for this very reason. Unless teens discipline themselves to heed their deeper side—the spiritual side that understands and craves love, goodness, peace, joy, and relationships with others—they will be at war within themselves just like the Apostle Paul in Romans 7.
The more teens heed the cravings of their carnal side, the weaker their spiritual side becomes, resulting in a greater inability to control their flesh and creating more determined juvenile delinquents. Teens do not fare too well without parents to help discipline them so that their spiritual side can grow and dominate their flesh to a greater degree. A lack of boundaries breeds a terrible insecurity in teens that will manifest itself in all kinds of delinquent behavior.
Why Teens Want Boundaries
Boundaries foster security. Consistently enforced boundaries foster it even more. Security is something many teens know nothing about in today’s culture, but it is essential for emotional, behavioral, and spiritual health. As parents are diligent to enforce boundaries consistently, their teens’ security levels go up—hopefully to the point of independence at which they can eventually be self-disciplined. The ability to independently submit the flesh to the spirit gets jump-started and grows as parents take the time to create relationships and consistently enforce boundaries with their teens—not legalistic traditions, but wise and practical boundaries that make sense to parents and are congruent with the heart of God and His Word.
Picture provided by: Karl and Ali